I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
