He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
