And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
