I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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