we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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