how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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