i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
