There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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