just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize