So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
