i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
