youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
