are you still at the devil's house?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
