rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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