the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
