i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
