She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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