My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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