gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
