well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
