I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
