i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
