somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
