you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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