everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
