I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
