well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
