why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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