You're my little dorito
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
40s are totally the cure
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
