In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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