Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
