Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
