She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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