There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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