Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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