dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
