Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
