Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ugly people sure do ruin things
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Randomize
