I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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