Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
ttyl tear gas
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
