a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
