Plan B is the new Plan A
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize