some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
