i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
