As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
