dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have aggressive nipples.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
