If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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