You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
