'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
