I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
