take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
