I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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