4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
