the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
