Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
