whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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