from now on my penis is your penis
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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