I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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