I just pynch a tree in the face
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
do nipples grow back?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
