that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
