I can't breathe out the right side of my face
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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