i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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