You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
