I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Less talking, more tequila
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
