What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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