You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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