I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
